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Я это то же помню :)
(Нашел immergent
http://community.livejournal.com/metapractice/77254.html?thread=1026758#t1026758)
http://www.experiential-dynamics.org/models/heaney.htm
Extending Ch'i
by Tom A. Heaney
email: tom.heaney@bigfoot.com
The Ability
Since this model was first created many more aspects of Ch'i have become evident. Ch'i, under many different names is much more inclusive than the extremely limited definition currently presented here. This model barely scratches the surface of Ch'i. The modeler continues to investigate this realm and as the work continues this model will be updated (hopefully) to include these many aspects.
For now, however, we will focus on extending Ch'i as a tenet of the Martial Arts. We will call it the ability to extend ones awareness, and “life-force” to both sense and affect the world. It is usually manifested in physical conflict situations, either real or simulated, during sparring or competitions.
This ability is valuable and useful for many things. In combat situations or when in unfamiliar or threatening surroundings it can mean the difference between life and death by providing extra-sensory input. For example, in commando training when soldiers are taught to neutralize sentries they are taught to never look directly at the sentry when they are stalking him. They are taught, instead, to use their peripheral vision until they actually attack. The reason for this is that humans (all animals) can "feel" when they are being stared at. A simple exercise, if you have a pet, is to stare at your pet when it is not looking at you. Within seconds your pet will turn to look at you. It senses someone looking. That sense comes from Ch'i.
In competitive Karate settings Ch'i gives the extender an advantage over his/her opponent by providing both an extra sensory channel to perceive their opponent’s next move before they make it, and by extending a "psych" factor or aura of power that can intimidate their opponent. This “aura” can be observed (V, K) by even a lay person totally uninitiated in the Martial Arts. (i.e. the modeler).
As the modeler was entering this model Graham made the comment:
There are some interestingly strange, almost paradoxical, elements to what you got as a model. One of the things which gave me pause was the title, Extending Ch'i. That sounds like an active process. Yet when I stepped into the model I didn't have any sense of activity. Not that it was a flat, quiescent state. It was dynamic in a way, though not with intentionality. It felt full, rather than empty. But full with nothing.
This observation is exactly the experience. Nothing as Something is the experience of Ch'i. This paradox keeps coming up. For example all of the exemplars said stuff like "you can't get there by trying. You have to not try. The harder you try, the farther away it goes."
Graham went on:
This is just the kind of stuff I meant when I said it was strange. The way I made sense of it was that the full nothing state was one in which awareness went out into the surroundings. Went out naturally, as it were. I had been thinking of your title in terms of those martial arts masters who throw ch'i - knocking an opponent over at a distance or setting a sheet of paper aflame. That kind of thing. The experience I was able to connect with (not being a martial arts master myself) was one in which awareness is a state of being more than doing.
Once again this observation is right on. Ch'i is a state of being. It is a very calm, yet strong state. The more experienced the practitioner, the more it is a state of being rather than a state of doing. The modeler does not particularly care for "Extending Ch'i" as a title for this model. His personal take is that a model is an active thing and, therefore, should be labeled with a verb so he came up with something that they were doing with the chi. "Accessing" was considered but we're not sure that really describes it. For the modeler personally, it feels as if he is sending out a psychic force field that acts like an array of sensors so he can feel (deep voice - Darth Vader imitation) "a stirring in the force" whenever someone or something encroaches on his field. The act of reaching out (Obi Wan imitation) "use the force, Luke" combined with the idea of intimidating one's opponent is what inspired the title. Input on possible titles that convey this somehow would be appreciated.
The ability to extend Ch'i is normally developed through many years of training in the Martial Arts coupled with various forms of meditation. The purpose of this project was to attempt to “short-stop” the many years of training and meditation and find a process to teach this ability to lower level practitioners that would allow them to quickly learn to extend their Ch'i for competition.
Exemplars
a. Exemplar 1 – 25 year old male. World Class 4th degree black belt Karate practitioner. Engineer by trade. Coaches the local contingent of the National Team. This gentlman's "aura of intimidation" is what caught my interest in this particular ability. Exemplar 1 has a very visible ch'i. It is not visible (to the modeler, anyway) in the classic sense of an aura (a'la Kirlian photography). Yet, when he walks on to the competition mat there is "something" visible about him that says "I am in charge here and you are not. Prepare to go down." He is not even aware that he does it but every one else in the dojo is extremely aware that he does it. b. Exemplar 2 – 50ish male. Phd in the Martial Arts. 8th degree black belt. He is exemplar 1’s father. c. Exemplar 3 – 50ish male. MD (non-practicing) 9th degree black belt. He is exemplar #2’s master. He exhibits Ch'i through his total calmness and stillness when fighting.
Beliefs
Criterial Equivalence
Nothing (as something). It is defined as totally blank, void of any feeling, total relaxation, Nothing as Everything.
Enabling Cause-Effects
Detachment from body. Years of training.
Motivating Cause-Effects
Very powerful, Only state you can be in and truly project. This is the state to realize your full potential for speed. Auto-pilot.
Surrounding Beliefs
Believe its possible, Know its possible, then it is. True rapport with my god.
This set of beliefs indicates that Ch'i is a spiritual phenomenon and not just a physical ability.
Strategies
Test
It is blank. Sight, sound, texture processing ceases. Sense of going into nothingness.
Primary Operation
Each exemplar has an anchor and the anchor seems to become smaller and more subtle as the exemplar becomes more powerful. The lowest level exemplar had a small ritual. He hears the ref say “Hajime” (fight), he yells and then he gets "funnel" vision(*see modeler's note) and he is there. At the other end of the continuum the exemplar takes a deep breath and it happens.
One exemplar stated that his shoulders go down (slump) his hands relax, he is not breathing hard and he is not expending energy. The other two didn’t mention this set of operations but we believe this could be a fruitful avenue for further investigation.
"Funnel vision" were the words exemplar 1 used to describe it. When he used the word funnel instead of tunnel the modeler just went with the flow. The image that "funnel" conjured was that of looking through a funnel with the broad end closer to oneself so one can see broader field near themself and that field narrows as it moves out toward and focuses on the opponent. "Tunnel", on the other hand brings an image of a tube from one to one's opponent. While it may be broader at the perceiver's end due to perspective it is not the same visually as a funnel.
Secondary Operations
It either happens or it doesn’t. One thing that was very clear is that you can not force it to happen. This point was definite for two of the exemplars. The lowest level exemplar also stated it and then gave a strategy to win the match if it doesn’t happen.
Emotions
Sustaining Emotion
As the ability to do it increases the emotion goes from “really relaxed” to “no emotion” to “well-being”.
External Behavior
Breathing slows, shoulders droop.
Contributing Factors
Training, spiritual connection, training in Transcendental Meditation.
Significant Elements
Ecological Concerns
The spirituality aspects send up some “red flags”. What started as a model of a "physical" ability very quickly jumped into the spiritual realm. Chi and the extending of it is a spiritual phenomenon. This could be a place for hindrances to show up.
Acquisition
To acquire this ability, from a purely physical standpoint, I would first work to get the acquirer to access the state of stillness and nothingness and then set an anchor to allow them to quickly access this state.
last modified Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 19:10:30 (GMT-0500)
http://community.livejournal.com/metapractice/77254.html?thread=1026758#t1026758)
http://www.experiential-dynamics.org/models/heaney.htm
Extending Ch'i
by Tom A. Heaney
email: tom.heaney@bigfoot.com
The Ability
Since this model was first created many more aspects of Ch'i have become evident. Ch'i, under many different names is much more inclusive than the extremely limited definition currently presented here. This model barely scratches the surface of Ch'i. The modeler continues to investigate this realm and as the work continues this model will be updated (hopefully) to include these many aspects.
For now, however, we will focus on extending Ch'i as a tenet of the Martial Arts. We will call it the ability to extend ones awareness, and “life-force” to both sense and affect the world. It is usually manifested in physical conflict situations, either real or simulated, during sparring or competitions.
This ability is valuable and useful for many things. In combat situations or when in unfamiliar or threatening surroundings it can mean the difference between life and death by providing extra-sensory input. For example, in commando training when soldiers are taught to neutralize sentries they are taught to never look directly at the sentry when they are stalking him. They are taught, instead, to use their peripheral vision until they actually attack. The reason for this is that humans (all animals) can "feel" when they are being stared at. A simple exercise, if you have a pet, is to stare at your pet when it is not looking at you. Within seconds your pet will turn to look at you. It senses someone looking. That sense comes from Ch'i.
In competitive Karate settings Ch'i gives the extender an advantage over his/her opponent by providing both an extra sensory channel to perceive their opponent’s next move before they make it, and by extending a "psych" factor or aura of power that can intimidate their opponent. This “aura” can be observed (V, K) by even a lay person totally uninitiated in the Martial Arts. (i.e. the modeler).
As the modeler was entering this model Graham made the comment:
There are some interestingly strange, almost paradoxical, elements to what you got as a model. One of the things which gave me pause was the title, Extending Ch'i. That sounds like an active process. Yet when I stepped into the model I didn't have any sense of activity. Not that it was a flat, quiescent state. It was dynamic in a way, though not with intentionality. It felt full, rather than empty. But full with nothing.
This observation is exactly the experience. Nothing as Something is the experience of Ch'i. This paradox keeps coming up. For example all of the exemplars said stuff like "you can't get there by trying. You have to not try. The harder you try, the farther away it goes."
Graham went on:
This is just the kind of stuff I meant when I said it was strange. The way I made sense of it was that the full nothing state was one in which awareness went out into the surroundings. Went out naturally, as it were. I had been thinking of your title in terms of those martial arts masters who throw ch'i - knocking an opponent over at a distance or setting a sheet of paper aflame. That kind of thing. The experience I was able to connect with (not being a martial arts master myself) was one in which awareness is a state of being more than doing.
Once again this observation is right on. Ch'i is a state of being. It is a very calm, yet strong state. The more experienced the practitioner, the more it is a state of being rather than a state of doing. The modeler does not particularly care for "Extending Ch'i" as a title for this model. His personal take is that a model is an active thing and, therefore, should be labeled with a verb so he came up with something that they were doing with the chi. "Accessing" was considered but we're not sure that really describes it. For the modeler personally, it feels as if he is sending out a psychic force field that acts like an array of sensors so he can feel (deep voice - Darth Vader imitation) "a stirring in the force" whenever someone or something encroaches on his field. The act of reaching out (Obi Wan imitation) "use the force, Luke" combined with the idea of intimidating one's opponent is what inspired the title. Input on possible titles that convey this somehow would be appreciated.
The ability to extend Ch'i is normally developed through many years of training in the Martial Arts coupled with various forms of meditation. The purpose of this project was to attempt to “short-stop” the many years of training and meditation and find a process to teach this ability to lower level practitioners that would allow them to quickly learn to extend their Ch'i for competition.
Exemplars
a. Exemplar 1 – 25 year old male. World Class 4th degree black belt Karate practitioner. Engineer by trade. Coaches the local contingent of the National Team. This gentlman's "aura of intimidation" is what caught my interest in this particular ability. Exemplar 1 has a very visible ch'i. It is not visible (to the modeler, anyway) in the classic sense of an aura (a'la Kirlian photography). Yet, when he walks on to the competition mat there is "something" visible about him that says "I am in charge here and you are not. Prepare to go down." He is not even aware that he does it but every one else in the dojo is extremely aware that he does it. b. Exemplar 2 – 50ish male. Phd in the Martial Arts. 8th degree black belt. He is exemplar 1’s father. c. Exemplar 3 – 50ish male. MD (non-practicing) 9th degree black belt. He is exemplar #2’s master. He exhibits Ch'i through his total calmness and stillness when fighting.
Beliefs
Criterial Equivalence
Nothing (as something). It is defined as totally blank, void of any feeling, total relaxation, Nothing as Everything.
Enabling Cause-Effects
Detachment from body. Years of training.
Motivating Cause-Effects
Very powerful, Only state you can be in and truly project. This is the state to realize your full potential for speed. Auto-pilot.
Surrounding Beliefs
Believe its possible, Know its possible, then it is. True rapport with my god.
This set of beliefs indicates that Ch'i is a spiritual phenomenon and not just a physical ability.
Strategies
Test
It is blank. Sight, sound, texture processing ceases. Sense of going into nothingness.
Primary Operation
Each exemplar has an anchor and the anchor seems to become smaller and more subtle as the exemplar becomes more powerful. The lowest level exemplar had a small ritual. He hears the ref say “Hajime” (fight), he yells and then he gets "funnel" vision(*see modeler's note) and he is there. At the other end of the continuum the exemplar takes a deep breath and it happens.
One exemplar stated that his shoulders go down (slump) his hands relax, he is not breathing hard and he is not expending energy. The other two didn’t mention this set of operations but we believe this could be a fruitful avenue for further investigation.
"Funnel vision" were the words exemplar 1 used to describe it. When he used the word funnel instead of tunnel the modeler just went with the flow. The image that "funnel" conjured was that of looking through a funnel with the broad end closer to oneself so one can see broader field near themself and that field narrows as it moves out toward and focuses on the opponent. "Tunnel", on the other hand brings an image of a tube from one to one's opponent. While it may be broader at the perceiver's end due to perspective it is not the same visually as a funnel.
Secondary Operations
It either happens or it doesn’t. One thing that was very clear is that you can not force it to happen. This point was definite for two of the exemplars. The lowest level exemplar also stated it and then gave a strategy to win the match if it doesn’t happen.
Emotions
Sustaining Emotion
As the ability to do it increases the emotion goes from “really relaxed” to “no emotion” to “well-being”.
External Behavior
Breathing slows, shoulders droop.
Contributing Factors
Training, spiritual connection, training in Transcendental Meditation.
Significant Elements
Ecological Concerns
The spirituality aspects send up some “red flags”. What started as a model of a "physical" ability very quickly jumped into the spiritual realm. Chi and the extending of it is a spiritual phenomenon. This could be a place for hindrances to show up.
Acquisition
To acquire this ability, from a purely physical standpoint, I would first work to get the acquirer to access the state of stillness and nothingness and then set an anchor to allow them to quickly access this state.
last modified Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 19:10:30 (GMT-0500)
Может быть, тем более что я читал эту статья год назад, по-молодецки решив что мы круче
Ну, это несомненно! :)
и не вдумываясь дальше :).
Но после провозглашения собственной крутизны, правила приличия требуют ее тот час же доказывать :)
Было приятно, но немного бестолково.
(я просто подумал про перевод)
Про статья переговоры мне нравится, есть над чем подумать.
Хорошо.
Ну, это несомненно! :)
и не вдумываясь дальше :).
Но после провозглашения собственной крутизны, правила приличия требуют ее тот час же доказывать :)
Было приятно, но немного бестолково.
(я просто подумал про перевод)
Про статья переговоры мне нравится, есть над чем подумать.
Хорошо.
Ясно. Про переговоры еще не видел.. Сейчас гляну.
Глянь, глянь.
А про модель Ци давно на сайте Дэвида Гордона читал - не впечатлило, у Гордона не моделирование, а простой опросник получается по компонентам модели - поведение, убеждения, ценности и т.п.
Это понятно, но вот здесь:
Здесь тоже решили, что статья не стоящая. Но затем мы копнули и получилось весьма интересная мысль/тема.
Глянь, глянь.
А про модель Ци давно на сайте Дэвида Гордона читал - не впечатлило, у Гордона не моделирование, а простой опросник получается по компонентам модели - поведение, убеждения, ценности и т.п.
Это понятно, но вот здесь:
Внимание к тому, как работают мышцы, повышает эффективность тренировок
http://community.livejournal.com/metapractice/76740.html
Здесь тоже решили, что статья не стоящая. Но затем мы копнули и получилось весьма интересная мысль/тема.
Смысл этого этюда - привести в что-то в порядок. Я этот пример/перечень взял чисто интуитивно, заранее не еще не знаю что в нем делать.
Офтоп. А ты видел это:
Negotiations Part I: Negotiation Readiness (Переговоры часть I: Готовность к переговорам)
http://www.experiential-dynamics.org/models/tkilstein.htm
PART II: Winning At Negotiations (Часть II: Убеждение в переговорах)
http://www.experiential-dynamics.org/models/kilstein.htm
Отсюда:
http://community.livejournal.com/metapractice/77254.html?thread=1026758#t1026758
Офтоп. А ты видел это:
Negotiations Part I: Negotiation Readiness (Переговоры часть I: Готовность к переговорам)
http://www.experiential-dynamics.org/models/tkilstein.htm
PART II: Winning At Negotiations (Часть II: Убеждение в переговорах)
http://www.experiential-dynamics.org/models/kilstein.htm
Отсюда:
http://community.livejournal.com/metapractice/77254.html?thread=1026758#t1026758
</>
Re: Сравнение подходов по существенным признакам/компо
metanymous в посте Metapractice (оригинал в ЖЖ)
Еще на сайте есть речь Дэвида Гордона
http://expandyourworld.net/david-keynote.php
Угм, кто бы перевел.
VI Общая последовательность и количество шагов, начиная с предварительной кодификации паттернования и до шага, на котором возможно бетта тестирование модели
1 Кодификация > паттерн > бетта моделирование
2 Кодификация > отзеркаливание > паттерн > бетта моделирование
3 Кодификация > отзеркаливание > паттерн > кодирование паттерна в модель > бетта моделирование
4 Кодификация > отзеркаливание > паттерн > кодирование паттерна в модель > кодирование модели в техники и шаблоны > бетта моделирование
Очень важная различалка.
На странице Введение в моделирование (Introduction to Modeling)
http://expandyourworld.net/intro-modeling.php приведена следующая последовательность:
The overall Modeling process involves the following stages:
1. Identify exemplars of the ability to be modeled.
2. For each exemplar, gather information with respect to what and how s/he is thinking, feeling, believing and doing when manifesting the ability. (The Experiential Array and Belief Template are our information gathering tools.)
3. Use contrast and comparison of examples to identify the essential structural patterns for each exemplar.
4. Use contrast and comparison of exemplars to identify the essential structural patterns for the ability.
5. Test and refine the Model.
Полный процесс моделирования включает следующие стадии:
1. Установите (идентифицируйте) образы моделируемой способности.
Примерно соответствует в схеме метапрактика: 1-4 Кодификация >
2. Для каждого образца, соберите информацию в отношении того, что и как он/она думает, чувствует, верит и делает, проявляя способность. (Массив Опыта и Шаблон Убеждений являются нашими инструментами для сбора информации).
У Гордона фиксирован набор инструментов моделирования, следовательно паттерны у него будут представлять всегда только комбинации из известных образцов нейрологии. В нашем метапрактиковом:
--подходе такого ограничения нет
--фиксированный инструментарий описания паттернов в моделировании по метапрактиковому подходу гораздо более обширный.
3. Используйте различение и сопоставление образцов для установления основных структурных паттернов каждого образца.
Ну вот, сам Гордон отмечает, что паттерны у них - только "структурные" (а на самом деле - комбинаторные из известных элементов).
4. Используйте различение и сопоставление образцов для установления основных структурных паттернов способности.
Примерно соответствует: 4 ... > ... > паттерн > кодирование паттерна в модель >
5. Проверьте и уточните модель.
Соответствует: 4 ... > ... > ... > кодирование паттерна в модель >
http://expandyourworld.net/david-keynote.php
Угм, кто бы перевел.
VI Общая последовательность и количество шагов, начиная с предварительной кодификации паттернования и до шага, на котором возможно бетта тестирование модели
1 Кодификация > паттерн > бетта моделирование
2 Кодификация > отзеркаливание > паттерн > бетта моделирование
3 Кодификация > отзеркаливание > паттерн > кодирование паттерна в модель > бетта моделирование
4 Кодификация > отзеркаливание > паттерн > кодирование паттерна в модель > кодирование модели в техники и шаблоны > бетта моделирование
Очень важная различалка.
На странице Введение в моделирование (Introduction to Modeling)
http://expandyourworld.net/intro-modeling.php приведена следующая последовательность:
The overall Modeling process involves the following stages:
1. Identify exemplars of the ability to be modeled.
2. For each exemplar, gather information with respect to what and how s/he is thinking, feeling, believing and doing when manifesting the ability. (The Experiential Array and Belief Template are our information gathering tools.)
3. Use contrast and comparison of examples to identify the essential structural patterns for each exemplar.
4. Use contrast and comparison of exemplars to identify the essential structural patterns for the ability.
5. Test and refine the Model.
Полный процесс моделирования включает следующие стадии:
1. Установите (идентифицируйте) образы моделируемой способности.
Примерно соответствует в схеме метапрактика: 1-4 Кодификация >
2. Для каждого образца, соберите информацию в отношении того, что и как он/она думает, чувствует, верит и делает, проявляя способность. (Массив Опыта и Шаблон Убеждений являются нашими инструментами для сбора информации).
У Гордона фиксирован набор инструментов моделирования, следовательно паттерны у него будут представлять всегда только комбинации из известных образцов нейрологии. В нашем метапрактиковом:
--подходе такого ограничения нет
--фиксированный инструментарий описания паттернов в моделировании по метапрактиковому подходу гораздо более обширный.
3. Используйте различение и сопоставление образцов для установления основных структурных паттернов каждого образца.
Ну вот, сам Гордон отмечает, что паттерны у них - только "структурные" (а на самом деле - комбинаторные из известных элементов).
4. Используйте различение и сопоставление образцов для установления основных структурных паттернов способности.
Примерно соответствует: 4 ... > ... > паттерн > кодирование паттерна в модель >
5. Проверьте и уточните модель.
Соответствует: 4 ... > ... > ... > кодирование паттерна в модель >
Emotions
Sustaining Emotion
The sustaining emotion for the ability is‘Resolve’which enables exemplars to stay firm and steadfast in carrying out their purpose. Exemplar 2 also said‘Caring’is present throughout and helps her to keep going. Exemplars experience feelings of discomfort or tension in the chest before communicating: "a big weight in my torso"; "palpitations"; "heavy, like pulling a bucket through water".
'Nervous Excitement/Anticipation'(even rising to"Fear") runs throughout until the Test is satisfied.
Exemplars 1 and 2 also feel"Intentional","Focussed"or"Engaged"during the process.
After saying what needs to be said and satisfying the Test, exemplars describe a feeling of lightness and ease in the chest and breath: "lighthearted"; "a relief"; "positive butterflies"; "a lightning and relaxation of muscles in the chest and a sense of ease".
All feel"Frustration"or even"Anger"when they experience a lot of difficulty in satisfying the criterion.
"Joy"and'Exhileration'are experienced when expectations are positively exceeded. All exemplars feel'Proud'of themselves when they step outside their comfort zones, and this is a motivator for them to engage repeatedly in this Ability.
External Behavior
Exemplars are intently engaged in thinking, speaking and listening closely with another person or people when manifesting this Ability. There is a lot of eye contact, empathetic nodding and smiling, 'open' body language and possibly some touching. The people involved are generally facing each othere, often leaning towards each other.
Contributing Factors
All exemplars said‘Privacy’is generally helpful and sometimes essential. They only involve the people for whom the conversation is relevant. Also important is'Timeto see it through' and Exemplar 1 identified‘Physical Comfort’as an important contributing factor. In some instances preparatory thinking may be useful to clarify what needs saying and the intended benefits.
Significant Elements
Ecological Concerns
Acquisition
It could be important to note, particularly in early uses of this Ability, that the Exemplars may be willing to free-fall because they have a sense of what‘it all’is that there is to say (see Primary Operation).
The'ability to let go of concerns about others’ judgments'(see Enabling Cause/Effect) is a separate ability that facilitates this one and therefore useful to have or to acquire in order to manifest this Ability.
last modified Monday, January 18, 1999 at 11:26:57 (GMT-0500
Sustaining Emotion
The sustaining emotion for the ability is‘Resolve’which enables exemplars to stay firm and steadfast in carrying out their purpose. Exemplar 2 also said‘Caring’is present throughout and helps her to keep going. Exemplars experience feelings of discomfort or tension in the chest before communicating: "a big weight in my torso"; "palpitations"; "heavy, like pulling a bucket through water".
'Nervous Excitement/Anticipation'(even rising to"Fear") runs throughout until the Test is satisfied.
Exemplars 1 and 2 also feel"Intentional","Focussed"or"Engaged"during the process.
After saying what needs to be said and satisfying the Test, exemplars describe a feeling of lightness and ease in the chest and breath: "lighthearted"; "a relief"; "positive butterflies"; "a lightning and relaxation of muscles in the chest and a sense of ease".
All feel"Frustration"or even"Anger"when they experience a lot of difficulty in satisfying the criterion.
"Joy"and'Exhileration'are experienced when expectations are positively exceeded. All exemplars feel'Proud'of themselves when they step outside their comfort zones, and this is a motivator for them to engage repeatedly in this Ability.
External Behavior
Exemplars are intently engaged in thinking, speaking and listening closely with another person or people when manifesting this Ability. There is a lot of eye contact, empathetic nodding and smiling, 'open' body language and possibly some touching. The people involved are generally facing each othere, often leaning towards each other.
Contributing Factors
All exemplars said‘Privacy’is generally helpful and sometimes essential. They only involve the people for whom the conversation is relevant. Also important is'Timeto see it through' and Exemplar 1 identified‘Physical Comfort’as an important contributing factor. In some instances preparatory thinking may be useful to clarify what needs saying and the intended benefits.
Significant Elements
Ecological Concerns
Acquisition
It could be important to note, particularly in early uses of this Ability, that the Exemplars may be willing to free-fall because they have a sense of what‘it all’is that there is to say (see Primary Operation).
The'ability to let go of concerns about others’ judgments'(see Enabling Cause/Effect) is a separate ability that facilitates this one and therefore useful to have or to acquire in order to manifest this Ability.
last modified Monday, January 18, 1999 at 11:26:57 (GMT-0500
Primary Operation
* Check own willingness to be responsible for the consequences and that the 'can of worms' about to be opened is of a manageable size, depending on the significance of the relationship and the context
* Check that the timing is appropriate to have the conversation and that the other person is ready to listen
* State own intention in delivering the communication, and if the content is of a delicate nature, disclose own concerns and feelings about communicating it. For example “I need to say something......I feel embarrassed saying this.....” Exemplar 2 said “Often by the time I’ve set them up for what I’m going to say they’re just begging for me to say it.”
*Say what there is to say and say it exactly andsay it all
* Listen to the response to gain an understanding of how it is for them
* Ask questions and invite them to say everything and self-disclose so they can experience being heard
* Encourage them to say everything
* Continue generating this dialogue until its all said on both sides and there’s a positive ‘shift’ in mood, physiology, understanding, direction of conversation or a declaration that its complete.
Secondary Operations
When the criterion'Mutual Honesty'is not being sufficiently satisfied:
* Keep going!
* Find other ways to say what needs saying
* Repeat intention or point out that what was intended to happen isn't happening to help “smooth things over”
* Check for things that haven’t been said (on both sides) that might make a difference, or invite the other person to share their thoughts
When the criterion is not being satisfied at all either:
* generate even more self-disclosure and honesty and continue
* or else ‘retreat’, ‘back off’, ‘bring it to a close’
The more important therelationship, the more inclination to keep going until some resolution is found.
If a decision is made to continue:
* Acknowledge that it hasn't been working
* Repeat intention
* Explore with the other person whether something else needs to happen to allow both to complete it and move on
When it doesn’t seem possible to meet the criterion:
* Look for alternative ways of handling the situation or other things that could be said
* If its really not possible, accept the differences between self and other and move on
All exemplars say such cases are extremely rare. Exemplar 4 identifies a difference between 'wanting to speak but holding back', and'choosingnot to speak', the latter being, for her, equally as responsible as speaking. If it seems impossible she may choose not to speak for now and stay open to a future opportunity. She rarely thinks its going to go away. If she doesn't have the person's spoken or implicit permission to speak, or if it isn't her 'place' to say it she will either let it go or discover who would be more appropriate to say it and support them in doing so.
* Check own willingness to be responsible for the consequences and that the 'can of worms' about to be opened is of a manageable size, depending on the significance of the relationship and the context
* Check that the timing is appropriate to have the conversation and that the other person is ready to listen
* State own intention in delivering the communication, and if the content is of a delicate nature, disclose own concerns and feelings about communicating it. For example “I need to say something......I feel embarrassed saying this.....” Exemplar 2 said “Often by the time I’ve set them up for what I’m going to say they’re just begging for me to say it.”
*Say what there is to say and say it exactly andsay it all
* Listen to the response to gain an understanding of how it is for them
* Ask questions and invite them to say everything and self-disclose so they can experience being heard
* Encourage them to say everything
* Continue generating this dialogue until its all said on both sides and there’s a positive ‘shift’ in mood, physiology, understanding, direction of conversation or a declaration that its complete.
Secondary Operations
When the criterion'Mutual Honesty'is not being sufficiently satisfied:
* Keep going!
* Find other ways to say what needs saying
* Repeat intention or point out that what was intended to happen isn't happening to help “smooth things over”
* Check for things that haven’t been said (on both sides) that might make a difference, or invite the other person to share their thoughts
When the criterion is not being satisfied at all either:
* generate even more self-disclosure and honesty and continue
* or else ‘retreat’, ‘back off’, ‘bring it to a close’
The more important therelationship, the more inclination to keep going until some resolution is found.
If a decision is made to continue:
* Acknowledge that it hasn't been working
* Repeat intention
* Explore with the other person whether something else needs to happen to allow both to complete it and move on
When it doesn’t seem possible to meet the criterion:
* Look for alternative ways of handling the situation or other things that could be said
* If its really not possible, accept the differences between self and other and move on
All exemplars say such cases are extremely rare. Exemplar 4 identifies a difference between 'wanting to speak but holding back', and'choosingnot to speak', the latter being, for her, equally as responsible as speaking. If it seems impossible she may choose not to speak for now and stay open to a future opportunity. She rarely thinks its going to go away. If she doesn't have the person's spoken or implicit permission to speak, or if it isn't her 'place' to say it she will either let it go or discover who would be more appropriate to say it and support them in doing so.
Motivating Cause-Effects
The Motivating Cause-Effect is‘Integrity in Relationshipsor 'Being true to myself', 'Being who I really am'. It can be more uncomfortable to be silent than to say whatever needs to be said, and as Exemplar 4 says,"If I can't be myself with you and reveal to you who I really am then ourrelationshiphas little value."
Surrounding Beliefs
Some of the Beliefs surrounding this ability:
‘Conversation is catalytic in nature’which assists in trusting that, even if it isn’t clear at the outset how a conversation will turn out, it is intrinsic in the process that something can be created together in a dialogue.
‘Honesty has more value than comfort’allows for the fact that straight communication can involve uncomfortable feelings and by placing a higher value on truth and self-expression than on personal comfort exemplars are willing to initiate potentially difficult conversations.
‘We are all human and are all doing our best’acknowledges our shared humanity and presupposes that we are each doing the best we can with what we have available to us. So there is no blame and the person can be honoured and a distinction made between them and their behaviour. This allows exemplars to discuss their own and others’ behaviours and responses objectively without criticising the person.
'I love people - theydeserveto be able to talk about things - its agiftto them'.Coming from a place of loving people permits exemplars to mention and discuss things that might otherwise be disallowed.
Strategies
Test
There's an initial increase in tension as exemplars stop having the conversation internally and start saying it externally, followed by a diffusion of anxiety as the words come out. The other person may appear shocked or nervous - a 'rabbit in the headlights' moment - with possible defensiveness, then a sense of relief and an ‘increase in energy’ on both sides as the conversation progresses. There's lots of eye contact and signals of connection as both people start talking about the same thing.
The test also involves shifting between internal and external focus of attention. For instance matching an internal representation of a desired response with the other person’s external behaviour. There’s a positive ‘shift’ in mood, physiology, understanding, direction of conversation or a declaration that its complete. Exemplar 2 said “...they say things that contribute to themselves or they say I’ve made a difference to them".
The Motivating Cause-Effect is‘Integrity in Relationshipsor 'Being true to myself', 'Being who I really am'. It can be more uncomfortable to be silent than to say whatever needs to be said, and as Exemplar 4 says,"If I can't be myself with you and reveal to you who I really am then ourrelationshiphas little value."
Surrounding Beliefs
Some of the Beliefs surrounding this ability:
‘Conversation is catalytic in nature’which assists in trusting that, even if it isn’t clear at the outset how a conversation will turn out, it is intrinsic in the process that something can be created together in a dialogue.
‘Honesty has more value than comfort’allows for the fact that straight communication can involve uncomfortable feelings and by placing a higher value on truth and self-expression than on personal comfort exemplars are willing to initiate potentially difficult conversations.
‘We are all human and are all doing our best’acknowledges our shared humanity and presupposes that we are each doing the best we can with what we have available to us. So there is no blame and the person can be honoured and a distinction made between them and their behaviour. This allows exemplars to discuss their own and others’ behaviours and responses objectively without criticising the person.
'I love people - theydeserveto be able to talk about things - its agiftto them'.Coming from a place of loving people permits exemplars to mention and discuss things that might otherwise be disallowed.
Strategies
Test
There's an initial increase in tension as exemplars stop having the conversation internally and start saying it externally, followed by a diffusion of anxiety as the words come out. The other person may appear shocked or nervous - a 'rabbit in the headlights' moment - with possible defensiveness, then a sense of relief and an ‘increase in energy’ on both sides as the conversation progresses. There's lots of eye contact and signals of connection as both people start talking about the same thing.
The test also involves shifting between internal and external focus of attention. For instance matching an internal representation of a desired response with the other person’s external behaviour. There’s a positive ‘shift’ in mood, physiology, understanding, direction of conversation or a declaration that its complete. Exemplar 2 said “...they say things that contribute to themselves or they say I’ve made a difference to them".
http://www.experiential-dynamics.org/models/berridge.htm
Authentic and Respectful Straight-Talking
by Dee Berridge
email: dee@ecstatic.demon.co.uk
The Ability
This kind of straight talking refers to speaking openly and directly to another person with the intention of being true to yourselfandrelating in a way that honours and ultimately benefits all concerned. It involves taking the risk of communicating potentially difficult, upsetting or unconventional thoughts, ideas, feelings or opinions (rather than witholding or evading). For exemplars of this Ability, the priority in such conversations is the relationship and/or well-being of the people involved.
Such conversations are usually highly personal and private, and are triggered by sensing something in the air that needs to be said. It is this that lets exemplars know its time to stop having the conversation internally and start saying it externally. It can be done very simply, or very eloquently and sometimes with great humour.
The following structure honours and respects the speaker, the listener and the relationship between them. It allows a person to speak from the heart and express what they have to say in their own unique way whilst encouraging others to do the same. A dialogue is created with speaking and listening on both sides and the conversation usually makes a positive difference. It can be very inspiring to hear someone speak their truth.
Exemplars
Exemplar 1:
Musician and Management Trainer: displays the ability in the course of running trainings and in collaborating with other musicians as well as in personal relationships. His style is creative with evocative descriptions and is often very humourous, his intention is to inspire others to participate.
Exemplar 2:
Human Resources Manager in a PR company: uses this ability socially and in dealing with employees at work. Her main concern when delivering this kind of communication is that the person she’s speaking to benefits from it. She describes it as “shooting from the hip” and going for “a quick and painless death!”
Exemplar 3:
Musician and Writer: manifests this ability in social, family and work relationships. He believes that for any relationship to be successful it is important to share who we really are even if it may be very uncomfortable, and that witholding and having things that can’t be said for fear of the consequences is what ultimately kills relationships. He can also be very witty and creative in his delivery.
Exemplar 4:
Management Consultant, Trainer and Mother: is highly adept at this ability and demonstrates it in all areas of her life, especially in training others in effective communicating and relating. She describes herself as "a self-appointed sayer of those unsaid things that need to be said because that's what I have to contribute" and with regard to using this ability in her role as consultant she says: "If they can't handle it they shouldn't be hiring me!"
Beliefs
Criterial Equivalence
The Criterion is‘Mutual Honesty’and is defined as ‘Being genuine and truthful; not hiding anything; being clear and accurate’ and 'Telling the truthas I see it’. The mutuality is highly significant. Exemplars are absolutely clear that they intend for there to be full opennesson both sides.
Enabling Cause-Effects
The Enabling Cause-Effect is‘Trust we’re on the same side and be willing to risk, and be responsible for, communicating’.Exemplars say it is important to be able to let go of their concerns about others’ judgments and opinions in order to fully manifest the ability. They need to be confident that the benefits of communicating are likely to be worth the risk of appearing foolish, unkind or in some way lacking.
This Ability relies on and generates trust in the sense of trust in a shared humanity as well as trust in communication itself as a generative medium.
Authentic and Respectful Straight-Talking
by Dee Berridge
email: dee@ecstatic.demon.co.uk
The Ability
This kind of straight talking refers to speaking openly and directly to another person with the intention of being true to yourselfandrelating in a way that honours and ultimately benefits all concerned. It involves taking the risk of communicating potentially difficult, upsetting or unconventional thoughts, ideas, feelings or opinions (rather than witholding or evading). For exemplars of this Ability, the priority in such conversations is the relationship and/or well-being of the people involved.
Such conversations are usually highly personal and private, and are triggered by sensing something in the air that needs to be said. It is this that lets exemplars know its time to stop having the conversation internally and start saying it externally. It can be done very simply, or very eloquently and sometimes with great humour.
The following structure honours and respects the speaker, the listener and the relationship between them. It allows a person to speak from the heart and express what they have to say in their own unique way whilst encouraging others to do the same. A dialogue is created with speaking and listening on both sides and the conversation usually makes a positive difference. It can be very inspiring to hear someone speak their truth.
Exemplars
Exemplar 1:
Musician and Management Trainer: displays the ability in the course of running trainings and in collaborating with other musicians as well as in personal relationships. His style is creative with evocative descriptions and is often very humourous, his intention is to inspire others to participate.
Exemplar 2:
Human Resources Manager in a PR company: uses this ability socially and in dealing with employees at work. Her main concern when delivering this kind of communication is that the person she’s speaking to benefits from it. She describes it as “shooting from the hip” and going for “a quick and painless death!”
Exemplar 3:
Musician and Writer: manifests this ability in social, family and work relationships. He believes that for any relationship to be successful it is important to share who we really are even if it may be very uncomfortable, and that witholding and having things that can’t be said for fear of the consequences is what ultimately kills relationships. He can also be very witty and creative in his delivery.
Exemplar 4:
Management Consultant, Trainer and Mother: is highly adept at this ability and demonstrates it in all areas of her life, especially in training others in effective communicating and relating. She describes herself as "a self-appointed sayer of those unsaid things that need to be said because that's what I have to contribute" and with regard to using this ability in her role as consultant she says: "If they can't handle it they shouldn't be hiring me!"
Beliefs
Criterial Equivalence
The Criterion is‘Mutual Honesty’and is defined as ‘Being genuine and truthful; not hiding anything; being clear and accurate’ and 'Telling the truthas I see it’. The mutuality is highly significant. Exemplars are absolutely clear that they intend for there to be full opennesson both sides.
Enabling Cause-Effects
The Enabling Cause-Effect is‘Trust we’re on the same side and be willing to risk, and be responsible for, communicating’.Exemplars say it is important to be able to let go of their concerns about others’ judgments and opinions in order to fully manifest the ability. They need to be confident that the benefits of communicating are likely to be worth the risk of appearing foolish, unkind or in some way lacking.
This Ability relies on and generates trust in the sense of trust in a shared humanity as well as trust in communication itself as a generative medium.
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