Re: Аутентичное и уважительное "прямое" общение ↑
metanymous в посте Metapractice (оригинал в ЖЖ)
The Motivating Cause-Effect is‘Integrity in Relationshipsor 'Being true to myself', 'Being who I really am'. It can be more uncomfortable to be silent than to say whatever needs to be said, and as Exemplar 4 says,"If I can't be myself with you and reveal to you who I really am then ourrelationshiphas little value."
Surrounding Beliefs
Some of the Beliefs surrounding this ability:
‘Conversation is catalytic in nature’which assists in trusting that, even if it isn’t clear at the outset how a conversation will turn out, it is intrinsic in the process that something can be created together in a dialogue.
‘Honesty has more value than comfort’allows for the fact that straight communication can involve uncomfortable feelings and by placing a higher value on truth and self-expression than on personal comfort exemplars are willing to initiate potentially difficult conversations.
‘We are all human and are all doing our best’acknowledges our shared humanity and presupposes that we are each doing the best we can with what we have available to us. So there is no blame and the person can be honoured and a distinction made between them and their behaviour. This allows exemplars to discuss their own and others’ behaviours and responses objectively without criticising the person.
'I love people - theydeserveto be able to talk about things - its agiftto them'.Coming from a place of loving people permits exemplars to mention and discuss things that might otherwise be disallowed.
Strategies
Test
There's an initial increase in tension as exemplars stop having the conversation internally and start saying it externally, followed by a diffusion of anxiety as the words come out. The other person may appear shocked or nervous - a 'rabbit in the headlights' moment - with possible defensiveness, then a sense of relief and an ‘increase in energy’ on both sides as the conversation progresses. There's lots of eye contact and signals of connection as both people start talking about the same thing.
The test also involves shifting between internal and external focus of attention. For instance matching an internal representation of a desired response with the other person’s external behaviour. There’s a positive ‘shift’ in mood, physiology, understanding, direction of conversation or a declaration that its complete. Exemplar 2 said “...they say things that contribute to themselves or they say I’ve made a difference to them".