Re: Аутентичное и уважительное "прямое" общение ↑
metanymous в посте Metapractice (оригинал в ЖЖ)
* Check own willingness to be responsible for the consequences and that the 'can of worms' about to be opened is of a manageable size, depending on the significance of the relationship and the context
* Check that the timing is appropriate to have the conversation and that the other person is ready to listen
* State own intention in delivering the communication, and if the content is of a delicate nature, disclose own concerns and feelings about communicating it. For example “I need to say something......I feel embarrassed saying this.....” Exemplar 2 said “Often by the time I’ve set them up for what I’m going to say they’re just begging for me to say it.”
*Say what there is to say and say it exactly andsay it all
* Listen to the response to gain an understanding of how it is for them
* Ask questions and invite them to say everything and self-disclose so they can experience being heard
* Encourage them to say everything
* Continue generating this dialogue until its all said on both sides and there’s a positive ‘shift’ in mood, physiology, understanding, direction of conversation or a declaration that its complete.
Secondary Operations
When the criterion'Mutual Honesty'is not being sufficiently satisfied:
* Keep going!
* Find other ways to say what needs saying
* Repeat intention or point out that what was intended to happen isn't happening to help “smooth things over”
* Check for things that haven’t been said (on both sides) that might make a difference, or invite the other person to share their thoughts
When the criterion is not being satisfied at all either:
* generate even more self-disclosure and honesty and continue
* or else ‘retreat’, ‘back off’, ‘bring it to a close’
The more important therelationship, the more inclination to keep going until some resolution is found.
If a decision is made to continue:
* Acknowledge that it hasn't been working
* Repeat intention
* Explore with the other person whether something else needs to happen to allow both to complete it and move on
When it doesn’t seem possible to meet the criterion:
* Look for alternative ways of handling the situation or other things that could be said
* If its really not possible, accept the differences between self and other and move on
All exemplars say such cases are extremely rare. Exemplar 4 identifies a difference between 'wanting to speak but holding back', and'choosingnot to speak', the latter being, for her, equally as responsible as speaking. If it seems impossible she may choose not to speak for now and stay open to a future opportunity. She rarely thinks its going to go away. If she doesn't have the person's spoken or implicit permission to speak, or if it isn't her 'place' to say it she will either let it go or discover who would be more appropriate to say it and support them in doing so.