![[userpic]](/media/13d872ec9f767ad8008e6f82e03d7d42b2046c53f7eed93d1d56b0786c852e74)
"The spirit is a force," he said, "and as such, it responds only to strength. You cannot indulge
in its presence."
"When did I indulge?"
"Yesterday, when you became green in the water."
"I did not indulge. I thought it was a very important moment and I told you what was
happening to me."
"Who are you to think or decide what is important? You know nothing about the forces you're
tapping. The spirit of the water hole exists out there and could have helped you; in fact it was
helping you until you flubbed it. Now I don't know what will be the outcome of your doings.
You have succumbed to the force of the water-hole spirit and now it can take you any time."
"Was it wrong to look at myself turning green?"
"You abandoned yourself. You willed to abandon yourself. That was wrong. I have told you
this already and I will repeat it again. You can survive in the world of a brujo only if you are a
warrior. A warrior treats every-thing with respect and does not trample on anything unless he
has to. You did not treat the water with respect yesterday. Usually you behave very well.
However, yesterday you abandoned yourself to your death, like a goddamned fool. A warrior
does not abandon himself to anything, not even to his death. A warrior is not a willing partner;
a warrior is not available, and if he involves him-self with something, you can be sure that he
is aware of what he is doing."
I did not know what to say. Don Juan was almost angry. That disturbed me. Don Juan had
rarely behaved in such a way with me. I told him that I truly had no idea I was doing
something wrong. After some minutes of tense silence he took off his hat and smiled and told
me that I had gained control over my indulging self. He stressed that I had to avoid water and
keep it from touching the surface of my body for three or four months.
"I don't think I could go without taking a shower," I said.
Don Juan laughed until tears rolled down his cheeks.
"You can't go without a shower! At times you're so weak I think you're putting me on. But it
is not a joke. At times you really have no control and the forces of your life take you freely."
I raised the point that it was humanly impossible to be controlled at all times. He maintained
that for a warrior there was nothing out of control, I brought up the idea of accidents and said
that what happened to me at the water canal could certainly be classed as an accident, since I
neither meant it nor was I aware of my improper behavior. I talked about different people who
had misfortunes that could be explained as accidents; I talked especially about Lucas, a very
fine old Yaqui man who had suffered a serious injury when the truck he was driving
overturned.
in its presence."
"When did I indulge?"
"Yesterday, when you became green in the water."
"I did not indulge. I thought it was a very important moment and I told you what was
happening to me."
"Who are you to think or decide what is important? You know nothing about the forces you're
tapping. The spirit of the water hole exists out there and could have helped you; in fact it was
helping you until you flubbed it. Now I don't know what will be the outcome of your doings.
You have succumbed to the force of the water-hole spirit and now it can take you any time."
"Was it wrong to look at myself turning green?"
"You abandoned yourself. You willed to abandon yourself. That was wrong. I have told you
this already and I will repeat it again. You can survive in the world of a brujo only if you are a
warrior. A warrior treats every-thing with respect and does not trample on anything unless he
has to. You did not treat the water with respect yesterday. Usually you behave very well.
However, yesterday you abandoned yourself to your death, like a goddamned fool. A warrior
does not abandon himself to anything, not even to his death. A warrior is not a willing partner;
a warrior is not available, and if he involves him-self with something, you can be sure that he
is aware of what he is doing."
I did not know what to say. Don Juan was almost angry. That disturbed me. Don Juan had
rarely behaved in such a way with me. I told him that I truly had no idea I was doing
something wrong. After some minutes of tense silence he took off his hat and smiled and told
me that I had gained control over my indulging self. He stressed that I had to avoid water and
keep it from touching the surface of my body for three or four months.
"I don't think I could go without taking a shower," I said.
Don Juan laughed until tears rolled down his cheeks.
"You can't go without a shower! At times you're so weak I think you're putting me on. But it
is not a joke. At times you really have no control and the forces of your life take you freely."
I raised the point that it was humanly impossible to be controlled at all times. He maintained
that for a warrior there was nothing out of control, I brought up the idea of accidents and said
that what happened to me at the water canal could certainly be classed as an accident, since I
neither meant it nor was I aware of my improper behavior. I talked about different people who
had misfortunes that could be explained as accidents; I talked especially about Lucas, a very
fine old Yaqui man who had suffered a serious injury when the truck he was driving
overturned.